I feel like having a clean room leave you room to think.
If your room is not clean, I feel like it clouds up my thoughts.
I've dedicated today to cleaning my room, it is driving me crazy!!!
Has anyone ever spent hours cleaning their room? I do!
#1 reason, laundry.... that all that's to it.
I need to get rid of clothes, underwear, makeup, random stuff, etc...
I just need to have a hoarders lady come in or a HGTV specialist. Because I need it. I am not fashion savvy but I would love to learn, I really would.
Please sign me up !
(by the way... I'm not really at hoarders stage, I just feel like it cuz I do have a lot of clothes)
So clean room, means clear path for my mind to think! which makes me happy :o)
Hope I finish by the end of today!
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Most recent happiest times!
I was dating a guy... I felt that he was as perfect as a man could get. We'll just call him Chino. Chino met the minimum criteria for my high expectations is a partner. But the one category he surpassed was being super attracted to me. I loved him so much. We pretty much lived together for a whole year and half. We dated till he got a job in the Dakotas. We both worked in Nebraska at the time. I visited a lot till I had to move back home on the West Coast to make money. I was gonna move in with him in 6 months... but he dumped me after one. He couldn't handle the distance due to a past relationship that went terrible with distance...
I was torn. I still haven't gotten over him. I still feel like I love him. We talked forever after. He begged me to move, but I make a lot more money. He should move with me... The fact is we are on two different paths which may meet up some day. But it is not today, he can't wait.
He has been with multiple girls since me. And I have only moved on once, and it went TERRIBLE!!!
I often think of it as the biggest mistake of my life. He has decided not to talk with me... probably because he is seeing someone else in a relationship.
I just am in so much pain. This is one of the main reasons I need to learn what makes me happy. Because he shouldn't be my only happiness.
If you read any webpage on finding happiness it doesn't involve your job or a lover. It is just you and friends, so I just need to figure out how to get some friends and jump into the equation haha
I was dating a guy... I felt that he was as perfect as a man could get. We'll just call him Chino. Chino met the minimum criteria for my high expectations is a partner. But the one category he surpassed was being super attracted to me. I loved him so much. We pretty much lived together for a whole year and half. We dated till he got a job in the Dakotas. We both worked in Nebraska at the time. I visited a lot till I had to move back home on the West Coast to make money. I was gonna move in with him in 6 months... but he dumped me after one. He couldn't handle the distance due to a past relationship that went terrible with distance...
I was torn. I still haven't gotten over him. I still feel like I love him. We talked forever after. He begged me to move, but I make a lot more money. He should move with me... The fact is we are on two different paths which may meet up some day. But it is not today, he can't wait.
He has been with multiple girls since me. And I have only moved on once, and it went TERRIBLE!!!
I often think of it as the biggest mistake of my life. He has decided not to talk with me... probably because he is seeing someone else in a relationship.
I just am in so much pain. This is one of the main reasons I need to learn what makes me happy. Because he shouldn't be my only happiness.
If you read any webpage on finding happiness it doesn't involve your job or a lover. It is just you and friends, so I just need to figure out how to get some friends and jump into the equation haha
Ah! My last attempt at a relationship...
I have seen the same guy for the past 6-7 years. He has worked at places I commonly go every time I come back home for any kind of vacation. I know he has obviously had a crush on me, and I've always wanted to get to know him.
Well one day, we decided to actually meet up. It was awesome, he was much better company than I expected but has an interesting smell to him haha Well we were drinking and we were having such a great time we drank even more.
Well to say the least, I woke up next to the guy the next day... knowing I hadn't had sex or contact with a guy in 7 months... I can figure out what I probably did.
This guy has a girlfriend, he already mentioned he wanted to break up with for months... but stated he never had breakin up with a gf before. He's only had three. He is also, two years younger than me... (Cougar me!).
So I tell him to keep it under wraps and we wouldn't do it again & stay friends.
Well my curiosity got the best of me, and I wanted him to know the great performance I can give in bed while sober. So we hung out again, and well we had a rebuttal. This time was different, I actually had an orgasm! (yeah pretty awesome). Anyone that can do that, I thought I should prolly try to stay with... but he had a gf. And I wanted to do the right thing, so we end the physical part for good.
We go out one night, and his girlfriend met up with us. He kissed in front of me. And she made it clear she did not want to become my friend. As much as I tried, this guy had a pretty cute friend. So I just hung out with him and another one of his female friends. As I hang out with his friend, he keeps trying to kiss me... I didn't want to play that card or game... BUT I knew I needed to move on. So I kissed him. He wasn't a bad kisser either HA
The end of the night comes about and the guy I kissed wants to take me home. I feel terrible and I just want to go to my home. But the guy I was originally with was my ride, I look at him, and ask him to take me home. He made a sarcastic remark about his friend wanting to take me home. I looked at him, and he understood. He went and told his gf he was gonna take me home.
That night, he parks away from my house. And says he felt immensely jealous about me and his friend. He said he felt just a strongly about it as if I were his gf. He said he was gonna break up with his gf that night.
He broke up with her. And we continued to hang out, it was pretty awesome the first week and half. But then he decided to make it clear that he didn't want a relationship... I was fine with that because I was still heart broken over my ex. SO that when things changed. He stopped holding my hand and showing affection in public...
I felt like his friends weren't supportive of him being with me...but they didn't like his ex-girlfriend either. As weeks went on, I tried to test us by being less physical and responsive... It felt like he stopped being attracted to me. It hurt pretty bad, I started to do cute things. Like bringing him lunch at work, and offering to go on dates...I noticed he was still talking and hanging out with his ex...
I realized, I messed up... And I guess if he still loves her I can never have him.
It hurt real bad, cuz all I wanted was to have another friend. Another drinking buddy and hopefully meet his girlfriend and be friends with all of them. But the one drunk night ruined it all.
He texted me one day. And told me hooked up with her, it was painful. But instead of just taking it, I decided to fight. And tell him how scorned I felt, and how terrible it was what he did. He never responded. I said I never wanted to hear from him unless she was out of his life for 3 months...
I stalked his facebook the other day, they are officially dating. I read on a website that they won't make it past 2-3 months if it is not true love. And if it is, it will last.
I just hope it works out. If it doesn't... I still want to try to be his friend. I think I'll check up in 1 month from when they were official to see if it lasts. That will be May 5th, so we will see. For now I just have to avoid all the common places we used to go together.
It doesn't make me happy to hang with a guy who is stuck on his ex-gf. I need to just make friends to be happy... which I still don't know how to do yet ! yikes !!!
I have seen the same guy for the past 6-7 years. He has worked at places I commonly go every time I come back home for any kind of vacation. I know he has obviously had a crush on me, and I've always wanted to get to know him.
Well one day, we decided to actually meet up. It was awesome, he was much better company than I expected but has an interesting smell to him haha Well we were drinking and we were having such a great time we drank even more.
Well to say the least, I woke up next to the guy the next day... knowing I hadn't had sex or contact with a guy in 7 months... I can figure out what I probably did.
This guy has a girlfriend, he already mentioned he wanted to break up with for months... but stated he never had breakin up with a gf before. He's only had three. He is also, two years younger than me... (Cougar me!).
So I tell him to keep it under wraps and we wouldn't do it again & stay friends.
Well my curiosity got the best of me, and I wanted him to know the great performance I can give in bed while sober. So we hung out again, and well we had a rebuttal. This time was different, I actually had an orgasm! (yeah pretty awesome). Anyone that can do that, I thought I should prolly try to stay with... but he had a gf. And I wanted to do the right thing, so we end the physical part for good.
We go out one night, and his girlfriend met up with us. He kissed in front of me. And she made it clear she did not want to become my friend. As much as I tried, this guy had a pretty cute friend. So I just hung out with him and another one of his female friends. As I hang out with his friend, he keeps trying to kiss me... I didn't want to play that card or game... BUT I knew I needed to move on. So I kissed him. He wasn't a bad kisser either HA
The end of the night comes about and the guy I kissed wants to take me home. I feel terrible and I just want to go to my home. But the guy I was originally with was my ride, I look at him, and ask him to take me home. He made a sarcastic remark about his friend wanting to take me home. I looked at him, and he understood. He went and told his gf he was gonna take me home.
That night, he parks away from my house. And says he felt immensely jealous about me and his friend. He said he felt just a strongly about it as if I were his gf. He said he was gonna break up with his gf that night.
He broke up with her. And we continued to hang out, it was pretty awesome the first week and half. But then he decided to make it clear that he didn't want a relationship... I was fine with that because I was still heart broken over my ex. SO that when things changed. He stopped holding my hand and showing affection in public...
I felt like his friends weren't supportive of him being with me...but they didn't like his ex-girlfriend either. As weeks went on, I tried to test us by being less physical and responsive... It felt like he stopped being attracted to me. It hurt pretty bad, I started to do cute things. Like bringing him lunch at work, and offering to go on dates...I noticed he was still talking and hanging out with his ex...
I realized, I messed up... And I guess if he still loves her I can never have him.
It hurt real bad, cuz all I wanted was to have another friend. Another drinking buddy and hopefully meet his girlfriend and be friends with all of them. But the one drunk night ruined it all.
He texted me one day. And told me hooked up with her, it was painful. But instead of just taking it, I decided to fight. And tell him how scorned I felt, and how terrible it was what he did. He never responded. I said I never wanted to hear from him unless she was out of his life for 3 months...
I stalked his facebook the other day, they are officially dating. I read on a website that they won't make it past 2-3 months if it is not true love. And if it is, it will last.
I just hope it works out. If it doesn't... I still want to try to be his friend. I think I'll check up in 1 month from when they were official to see if it lasts. That will be May 5th, so we will see. For now I just have to avoid all the common places we used to go together.
It doesn't make me happy to hang with a guy who is stuck on his ex-gf. I need to just make friends to be happy... which I still don't know how to do yet ! yikes !!!
The only thing I know about my happiness...
Is what makes me not happy !!!
I'll prolly have quite a few posts like this one...
My old best friend (we had a falling out when he came out and said he 'loved' me one day) now has a dog from his last relationship.
This dog is terrible ! Not only is it not well kept and has two different colored eyes (which jus bothers me for an odd undescribed reason), he has no control over it. Yes I call the dog, it! It can't stay calm for a second. It does nothing he tells it to, he can't even leave it outside. Yes that animal can't stay outdoors because it is to bat-poop crazy!
The real thing that ticks me off, is this guy has his own home. Which is really pretty nice, he used to have the best parties around. This dog has torn his house apart! The tile by the door has been ripped to pieces, yes people, tile!!! How does a dog tear up tile? no clue, but his excuse for it is... she's part coyote. Maybe you shouldn't get a dog that's part WILD ANIMAL?!?!
He's tried to come on to me, which really in my current state of male problems. It wouldn't be a bad option BUT I refuse to be in his house. This dog has torn up pillows, couch, and carpet... it smells of dirty dog. His place is now so disgusting I can barely use the restroom in his place. And he lets this dirty dog sleep in his bed.
Only if he knew, I'm not sleeping with you because of your disgusting dog.
Not gonna lie, I've thought about secretly killing his dog. Like jus dropping a dark chocolate candy bar in the house... but I could never do anything like that. But it really would help his lack of "getting laid" problem. Even if I was drunk as balls, I wouldn't go in his bed. You think he'd notice. But apparently he has slept with one girl since his ex- which he won't tell me about...so he prolly went to her place, or she won't come back cuz she realized she was in stinky dog hell. I personally think he made her up to be less embarrassed that he hasn't rebounded after his ex. But we'll see.
For now I'll dodge his dog, because she makes me unhappy.
The second part of this unhappy story about my old best friend, I'll just call 'Moe". Is that he has been unemployed for what seems to be forever. I'm telling you at least 6 months. He is like my drunk buddy. I need to go have a few beers and not care about what happens later. He is always in to just enjoy the night. BUT ! since he's unemployed, we can't have that fun bonding experience anymore. It sucks. Cuz I jus want to go out and kinda get wasted.... well a good buzz to a point where I prolly shouldn't drive and get a cab.
He is like my only friend who is still willing to do that without: judging, wants to be DD, or does not know how to have a good time.
So I need to dodge people who are satisfied with not having a job... because they can't go out and enjoy having a bar tab to pay for.
The one thing that does make me happy about having "Moe" in my life. Is he is always up as late as I am. I'm talking like 2-3AM late. Him and I are natural night owls as most people call it.
I do like night time people. I don't understand morning people... but maybe some day, I can become one.
Is what makes me not happy !!!
I'll prolly have quite a few posts like this one...
My old best friend (we had a falling out when he came out and said he 'loved' me one day) now has a dog from his last relationship.
This dog is terrible ! Not only is it not well kept and has two different colored eyes (which jus bothers me for an odd undescribed reason), he has no control over it. Yes I call the dog, it! It can't stay calm for a second. It does nothing he tells it to, he can't even leave it outside. Yes that animal can't stay outdoors because it is to bat-poop crazy!
The real thing that ticks me off, is this guy has his own home. Which is really pretty nice, he used to have the best parties around. This dog has torn his house apart! The tile by the door has been ripped to pieces, yes people, tile!!! How does a dog tear up tile? no clue, but his excuse for it is... she's part coyote. Maybe you shouldn't get a dog that's part WILD ANIMAL?!?!
He's tried to come on to me, which really in my current state of male problems. It wouldn't be a bad option BUT I refuse to be in his house. This dog has torn up pillows, couch, and carpet... it smells of dirty dog. His place is now so disgusting I can barely use the restroom in his place. And he lets this dirty dog sleep in his bed.
Only if he knew, I'm not sleeping with you because of your disgusting dog.
Not gonna lie, I've thought about secretly killing his dog. Like jus dropping a dark chocolate candy bar in the house... but I could never do anything like that. But it really would help his lack of "getting laid" problem. Even if I was drunk as balls, I wouldn't go in his bed. You think he'd notice. But apparently he has slept with one girl since his ex- which he won't tell me about...so he prolly went to her place, or she won't come back cuz she realized she was in stinky dog hell. I personally think he made her up to be less embarrassed that he hasn't rebounded after his ex. But we'll see.
For now I'll dodge his dog, because she makes me unhappy.
The second part of this unhappy story about my old best friend, I'll just call 'Moe". Is that he has been unemployed for what seems to be forever. I'm telling you at least 6 months. He is like my drunk buddy. I need to go have a few beers and not care about what happens later. He is always in to just enjoy the night. BUT ! since he's unemployed, we can't have that fun bonding experience anymore. It sucks. Cuz I jus want to go out and kinda get wasted.... well a good buzz to a point where I prolly shouldn't drive and get a cab.
He is like my only friend who is still willing to do that without: judging, wants to be DD, or does not know how to have a good time.
So I need to dodge people who are satisfied with not having a job... because they can't go out and enjoy having a bar tab to pay for.
The one thing that does make me happy about having "Moe" in my life. Is he is always up as late as I am. I'm talking like 2-3AM late. Him and I are natural night owls as most people call it.
I do like night time people. I don't understand morning people... but maybe some day, I can become one.
Hi !
I am creating a new blog. One in which will start with my search for happiness... why? Because I've come to a point in my life where I realize I can't enjoy anything unless I know what makes me happy. So I will probably discuss things of that nature as well as tapping on funny thoughts or events that happen through out my life. So lets tune in everyone !
~Bean 12
I am creating a new blog. One in which will start with my search for happiness... why? Because I've come to a point in my life where I realize I can't enjoy anything unless I know what makes me happy. So I will probably discuss things of that nature as well as tapping on funny thoughts or events that happen through out my life. So lets tune in everyone !
~Bean 12
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